did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So many bounce houses so little time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
