omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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