it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
