I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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