well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
