I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
