i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
