So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
