They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
