you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
