a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
