Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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