those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
