So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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