checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
