I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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