i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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