he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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