we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
