I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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