Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
