Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
