I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have aggressive nipples.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
