It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
