Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
