Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
