Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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