I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
