remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
