she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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