Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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