between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
