I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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