My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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