I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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