That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
