Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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