Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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