My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
