overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
