Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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