i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
