i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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