his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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