it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
