just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
