'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
