I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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