when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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