Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
