i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
