Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him