Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who