I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal