3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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