I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours