Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
