Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
