There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
