I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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