im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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