Can i not drive my cunt home
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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