Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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