things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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