I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just googled if crying burns calories
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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