Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
