is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
