just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
