Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
