her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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