Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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