she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
