We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
