I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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