I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
