Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
