I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
