My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
