I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize