dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
