I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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