I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
