i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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