you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
did i just pee glitter
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