At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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