awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize