I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
