R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
